Nurturing Children's Spirituality

By Nick Vander Kwaak, M.Div., Th.M.

I remember a little fellow, frightened by lightning and thunder, who called out one dark night, "Daddy, come! I'm scared." "Son," the father said, "God loves you and will take care of you." "I know God loves me," the boy replied, "but right now I need somebody who has skin on."

This lovely little story by John M. Dreschner (Readers' Digest, Feb. '81, p.l04) presents us with the essence of the spiritual development of children. The boy refers to a truth that he has learned: God loves me. No doubt he often heard this truth confirmed by his parents or pastor. He may have learned the song in Sunday School: "Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so!"

But besides the truth he has learned with his developing intellect, he also refers to the experience of this truth. He needs a close protecting relationship with another human being (Dad, in this case) to help him feel the presence of God's love and care in a concrete way.

I believe these two factors are interrelated in the spiritual development of a child: truth learned and experience gained. Both are important in filling a child's need for a meaningful connectedness with God.

Consider the Biblical emphasis on truth learned and the secret working of the Holy Spirit in creating faith. In Romans 10:17 we read: "...faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ."

Children learn the truth of God's message through Bible stories read or told to them by their parents and teachers or other caring adults. Young children are open to receive the truth of God through the stories of the faith because they have a great need and craving for love. The stories introduce them to a God whose love is infinite and whose people are nurtured in many blessed ways with God's presence.

It seems that God has something very special going with young children. Jesus often referred to children's spontaneity in expressing praise (Matthew 21:16) or receiving the gifts of the kingdom of God (Mark 10:15).

As adults, we can nurture the gift of faith in our children with the stories about Jesus and his love. As we read and tell these stories, the Spirit of God accompanies the words. The power of these stories is amazing. Through them, God works faith, the blessed gift to children as well as adults. "For it is by grace [God's unconditional love] you have been saved, through faith it is the gift of God" (Ephesians 2:8). It's most helpful to the child's understanding of God to use Bible stories instead of abstract summaries of Christian doctrines. They will be more ready for those in their adolescent years. In childhood, the stories speak more meaningfully.

It may not be necessary to explain or clarify every detail. Allow room and time for children to enter imaginatively into the stories and express their opinions or insights. We can wonder with them about the meaning of the stories.

I tell the parable of the good Samaritan to our young patients, using cut-out pictures of the road, the rock, the characters, and donkey. I refrain from explaining the different characters but let the children wonder with me: "Where did the Samaritan learn to be kind? Who does he remind us of?" The children's answers are intriguing and surprising. Children can understand the stories and apply them to their lives in marvelous ways.

While nurturing children's spirituality is a matter of truth that must be conveyed, it is at the same time a matter of relationships with other people, especially caring adults. This explains why the little boy in the story asked for someone with skin on to be there with him during the thunderstorm.

Rachel was a 13-year-old runaway, living mostly on the streets of a western city. Her sad comments to a news reporter illustrate the negative impact of relationships on the spiritual formation of a child:

My mother died when I was four. I have been in eleven different foster homes since. Then they put me in a church home for girls, and they were real mean. So I ran away with my girlfriend. We were locked in our rooms at night. The windows were locked. It was so hot. You couldn't get water or nothing. If you were bad, they locked you in "isolation"--sort of a closet, all dark. They kept you there all day. They kept preaching at you about Jesus, but I don't think Jesus would treat little kids that bad" (Parade Magazine, Aug. 18, '85, p. 5).

You are right, Rachel. Jesus would not treat children that bad at all. In fact, we read about Jesus in the Bible: "And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them" (Mark 10:16). Jesus knew that the truth ("God loves you") conveyed by words and stories must also be demonstrated in loving ways to children through caring relationships. These relationships reflect our high value for children and our respect for them as God's very special people. Our Lord becomes a model for us in showing God's love to children.

A religious educator, John H. Westerhoff III, believes that a child's faith development is enhanced by experiences in nurturing relationships with adults. "Experience is foundational to faith. A person first learns Christ not as a theological affirmation [meaning a truth taught] but as an affective [meaning feeling level] experience. For children and adults, it is not so much the words we hear spoken that matter most, but the experiences we have which are connected with those words" (Will Our Children Have Faith? p. 92).

If someone feels used or exploited when the word "love" is used, then the word "love" takes on that negative meaning for the person. For example, if Mother often tells her lO-year-old Lori, "I love you," but then overburdens her with family chores or responsibilities, Lori receives a mixed message about the meaning of love. She equates it with being taken advantage of.

The power of the word "love" can only be changed and become positive when it is accompanied by a caring, respectful relationship. The Bible puts it in these words: "Be ye doers of the word..." (James 1:22, KJV).

"The responsibility of Christian parents is to endeavor to be Christian with their children, and the responsibility of all Christians is to strive to be Christian with all others," says Westerhoff (p. 93). It is important for us to ask ourselves: What is it to be Christian with my son? Is my daughter growing up in a home, church, or community environment where she feels loved, secure, and is regarded as a V .I.P., a very important person? In such an environment--where adults are sensitive to the child's emotional needs and where they practice Christ-like relationships--the child experiences God's love in action. Where people can be trusted and relied on for care and support, basic trust will grow in the child. This ability to trust will develop in the child and can flourish later on into a meaningful relationship of trust in God.

In such an environment, children will also experience grace. Grace is feeling fully accepted and loved, despite your mistakes or sins. My young friend who told me, "God cannot love me, I'm bad" had not understood the meaning of grace. By both my words and actions as I accepted him, spent time with him, praised him for his achievements, and enjoyed his friendship, he learned to understand the meaning of grace. And when he hears the Word that says, "by grace you have been saved," he is ready to receive it with a broad smile that says: "Thank you, Lord. I can't be good all the time even though I try, but you love me anyway!"

As we teach and live the Christian faith with our children, we can remember that nurturing children's spirituality is one of the greatest and most challenging tasks God gives us. Let our efforts be accompanied by much prayer, asking God to plant and nourish the seeds of faith in precious children who view us as God's love "with skin on."