Coming to Grips with Stress

by Randall Johnson, M.A., and Jeff Johnson, M.S., as told to Valerie Nanninga Engeltjes, M.A.

"Life is difficult."  

This is the first sentence in Scott Peck's book The Road Less Traveled. Whether we like to think life is difficult or not, it's true. Life bombards us with issues, decisions, responsibilities, dilemmas, and heartache. And somehow we're to find a way to endure those and be emotionally and physically-healthy, coping individuals. No wonder we feel stressed.

"Stress" comes from the Latin word stringere, which means to bind tightly, constrict, to flow drop by drop. Many people think of stress as a singular calamity or trauma that befalls them. While that can be true, more often stress is an accumulation or piling up of many different kinds of pressures from daily life. Too much traffic. An empty bank account. Fighting kids. Deadlines at work. Meddling relatives. Too many meetings at church. Trying to constantly adapt to a fast-changing world.

The accumulated stress is like snow piling on a branch. What's a snowflake? But ultimately, if there are too many snowflakes, the branch breaks.

We face three major sources of stress:

Stress of Circumstances - intrusions into our life over which we have no control. Often represented by loss--loss of a loved one, job, security, financial stability, health. Circumstances are also stressors that arrive--a teenage pregnancy, kids moving back home, a family member who abuses alcohol or drugs. Uninvited circumstances make life difficult indeed.

Stress of People - our relationships. People let us down, fail to meet our expectations, are different from us and refuse to change, ask the impossible. People can put deadlines ahead of comfort, expect perfection instead of humanness, say they love us yet not show their love in actions. There is no doubt that difficult people contribute to our stress.

Stress of Self - our own attitudes about ourselves and the world. Some people are stressed because they're not comfortable with who they are. They struggle with feelings of insecurity, fear, anxiety, dependence, anger, or sadness that create a constant burden for them. Many times this kind of stress takes more of a toll on our own lives than on the lives of others.

Given the internal and external stressors we face, this quote from The Detroit Free Press is true for many of us: "In these days and times, it takes nerves of steel just to stay neurotic." Just to stay a little crazy is the best we can do. If we can just hang on, then we're doing quite well.

Most of us would like to do a lot better than "just hang on." To handle stress, we first need to understand it.

The Stress Response
We have psychological and physiological responses to stress. The psychological experience is often feeling overwhelmed. We lose our composure. We react to the stressors of our lives instead of being proactive and coping with them. This reaction is called "the stress response." Here's an example: "It's very hard to live in a studio apartment in San Jose with a man who's learning to play the violin." That's what she told the police when she handed them the empty revolver.

Living in this little cubicle with this noise that won't stop, she finally cracks and reacts. Did she shoot the violin or the man? Small stresses accumulate until finally there's just one too many.

From a physical standpoint, our bodies have a stress reaction whether the threat we face is real or perceived. Most often, the threat isn't physical (like the need to run from a growling dog) but psychological ("I have too many deadlines." "I've got a poor diagnosis."). Regardless of the reality or kind of stress, the body responds the same way.

The nervous and endocrine systems A create the body's physiological response. Both release chemicals into the bloodstream that target responses from various body organs. They cause heart rate  and blood pressure to go up. Muscle tension increases. Sweating increases. The gastrointestinal system is stimulated. 

These physiological responses are designed to mobilize the body for action - the "fight" or "flight" response. Our ancestors needed these chemicals to help protect them in a hostile physical world. They were prepared to confront the danger or run from it. Today, we're not able to--or sometimes not allowed to--respond physically to most of the stresses that elicit this physical response. We can't hit our bosses or run away from our responsibilities at home.

Consequently, these chemicals don't get used up through physical activity. They just continue to circulate through the bloodstream, which means this alarm reaction stays stimulated for a long time, and if we don't shut that alarm reaction off, our bodies will finally shut it off for us--typically through unhealthy ways.

The immune system suffers short-term negative implications of the inability to deal with stress. The immune system becomes depressed, making us more susceptible to illness. It's common for people to get sick over the holidays. They get less sleep, they have extra events going on, their routine is disrupted. They have this constant alarm reaction going on, depressing their immune system. This often happens to students during final exam week, too.

The more long-term problems show up in an increased risk for cardiovascular disease, low back pain, and neck pain. As much as 50 - 60 percent of low back pain can be attributed to nothing more than tense muscles. Chronic muscle aches and pains also can be associated with this prolonged alarm reaction.

People with too much stress in their lives are likely to develop a wide range of physical problems. Most frequently it's cardiovascular disease. High blood pressure is probably the most well-documented and serious effect of long-term stress on the body. During the "alarm" phase of a person's physiologic response to a stressful situation, the heart rate increases as blood vessels narrow, causing blood pressure to rise. Frequent and prolonged activation of this alarm system can lead to chronically elevated blood pressure known as "hypertension."

Long-standing hypertension is a major cause in developing "atherosclerosis," a disease in which blood vessels in the heart or brain become blocked by fatty deposits. Atherosclerosis, in turn, can lead to heart attack, stroke, or death. We often think of the most likely person to develop heart disease as a "Type A" personality. These people are hard-driving, over-committed, and impatient. Yet research shows when Type A people reduce their aggressive tendencies, they don't necessarily reduce their risk of coronary artery disease. In fact, many times they fare better after a heart attack than more laid back, easy-going people. They harness their personality traits and are more effective at reducing some of the other risk factors because they do schedule their exercise programs and change their diets.

Research is showing that depression and hostility are key traits leading to cardiovascular disease. Individuals who react to stressful situations with anger, distrust, or cynicism are more likely to have a heart attack then people with less explosive, more trusting, personalities. It's the post-event (the "Oh-my-gosh-I've-had-a-heart-attack" depression, anger, or denial) negative tendencies that predict how people will fare once they have the initial attack.

Other personality types at risk are individuals in high demand/low control situations. These people are more than twice as likely to develop heart attacks than those who feel they have some control. This is especially true in work situations.

Other health problems associated with the sustained stress response are:

• allergies
• arthritis
• asthma
• diabetes
• migraine headaches (stress is a trigger)
• gastrointestinal disorders - irritable bowel syndrome, ulcers

Anything we can do to shut the alarm reaction off will have a positive impact in modifying some of the negative ways stress shows itself physically.

Handling Stress Physically
Exercise is the best physical way to manage stress. Earlier in civilization, most stressors required a physical response. In today's "sophisticated" society, we can't respond to most stresses physically. In addition, we've become a sedentary society where we sit down and push buttons. In fact, The Center for Disease Control in Atlanta said the major cause of premature death is attributable to our lifestyle and environment. We have recliners. We don't even get up to turn the TV on anymore; we use the remote. We're not out hoeing weeds or shoeing horses. Our bodies were designed to be used vigorously, and now we don't work them. Yet we've added so many more stress issues into our lives.

Our society suffers from hypokinetic disease -hypo means "low" and kinetic means "movement." Many of today's diseases can be directly linked to low movement or inactivity. For example, it is estimated that every extension phone you have in your house saves you about seventy miles worth of walking a year. When the work world switched from from manual typewriters to electric typewriters, the average secretary saved enough calories to gain six pounds a year.

Fortunately, even moderate exercise makes a significant difference. Exercise uses up the chemicals and reduces the muscle tension. In 1996, the Surgeon General issued a report stating that Americans should engage in moderate physical activity for thirty minutes most if not every day of the week. It doesn't need to be complex. Exercise will go a long way in preventing the physical manifestations of stress.

There are other lifestyle changes to shut the alarm reaction off, too. Our dad was a foreman in a factory, and we remember him sitting at the supper table talking about "downtime." His machines, which produced die cast parts, had to go through downtime to be cleaned and lubricated. Our bodies need downtime, as well. If a machine can't run 100 percent of the time, neither can we.

Different people need different ways to relieve stress. Some people read the articles about stress and in trying to address it, they just add another stressor. At exactly 12:01, they grab their gym bag, jump in their car, drive across town to the gym, lift weights, run their laps, then tear back to the office and call it their stress relievers. They'd be better off shutting off the lights in their office, putting their feet up on their desk, and taking a twenty-minute nap. We all need to shut down and let our bodies relax.

We have to keep our bodies strong, which is what exercise is about. We also need moments when we can allow ourselves to relax and recuperate. Listen to your favorite music. Dim the lights. Get rid of distractions. Isolate. Calm yourself. Cut down for a little while on the stimulation that's going on in your life.

Handling Stress Spiritually
We have a tendency to want to assign blame. When we experience stress or calamity or loss, we want to find who's at fault. People often blame God. The buck ultimately stops there. They think, "God did this to me." When some people experience trauma, they have a difficult time sorting through how they believe that God is in control enough to help them, but if so, then Why did this happen? Stress can raise significant spiritual issues. Part of their stress response is sorting that out.

Spiritual depth gives people a perspective on the stress of life in that they realize this is NOT heaven in which we live. It's a sin-scarred world, and, therefore, we'll be injured here. God's spirit is present to heal our wounds and to allow us to walk in strength as we undergo stress. People can feel that God is a strong comfort to them as they cope with the difficulties of life. 

Some people find reading Biblical accounts of God's "special people" comforting. It's helpful to realize that these faith ancestors also experienced stress and had mood swings and doubt, and yet God didn't desert them. With their faith and obedience, they could get to the other side and find that God was always there with them.

The sense of having a spiritual anchor is helpful because loss of control is integral to stress. A strong, mature spiritual faith gives that anchor, and we can place our situation in God's hands. We say, "Here's my anchor of faith that I'm going to hold on to. Here's my control in the midst of the storm." Think of the picture of Jesus getting into the front of the boat and calming the storm in the midst of his panicked disciples. (Mark 4:35-41) We're in the storm of life, feeling like we're going to drown. Our Lord is in the boat with us.

Handling Stress Psychologically
Some of the physical ways we deal with stress overlap into psychological techniques. When we allow ourselves to shut down for a while, we're also giving ourselves a psychological break. Some people use positive imagery when they're relaxing. Imagine your favorite place or activity. Catching a pike on a gorgeous June afternoon. Looking at a sunset. Visualize experiences or places that calm your soul and slow you down. Verbal catharsis is good, too. Think MLC - Misery Loves Company. It helps to have a soul mate to whom you can unload and vent some of the day's stresses. Make sure it's someone who won't give you quick advice and won't shame you for feeling overwhelmed or being angry about something, but will allow you to say what you need to say because you have to get it off your chest.

Be careful, however. At times, the verbal devices can be a stimulation where people never calm themselves because they keep talking about an issue or stressor all the time. They talk about it with friends, family, and coworkers and never let go. They keep themselves stimulated because they keep talking about it.

Attitude is key. Some people have a strong coping attitude to life. Others are victims--there's always something going wrong for them, over which they say they have no control. There's always a major stressor in their lives. The rain cloud follows them wherever they go. It's sunshine everywhere but in their lives. Stress can be very real, but Chuck Swindoll says, "Ninety percent of life is our response--not what happens to us." It's the attitude we take.

We must be aware of what our strengths and weaknesses are, what our assets or liabilities are, and what capabilities we do or don't have. Know your limitations. Don't ask more of yourself than you can supply. If you're not mechanically inclined, then take the mower to a mechanic to get fixed.

The more awareness we have of our natures, the more we can turn in our support system to those who have those attributes we lack. If you're a rather negative person, then don't try to solve people's problems because you'll see more problems there. Find someone with better composure or more confidence or more optimism and borrow. Often in psychology, we talk about "ego lending." People borrow a little confidence, a little outlook, and faith to get through. The key is to do that in moderation. We also can err on being too much of an optimist who's always whistling a merry tune and getting nowhere with someone who's hurting. There has to be balance.

If we're under stress or hurting, we sometimes have a tendency to minimize or discard the genuine offers from people like, "We'll pray for you this week," or "I've thought about you," or "Hang in there." Because we're hurting so badly, those may sound trite. When people say this to us, we must accept their motive, even if it's not at our emotional intensity. What they can give might be less than what we need, but not everyone is going to be able to sit down and match us eyeball-to-eyeball with the intensity of our stress. We need to have those in our support system who can reach us at the level at which we're hurting, but can't expect that from the world at large.

Think of your support system and the techniques you can use to lessen stress as "psychological soldiers." Some days you'll feel as if you're in a battle in which you're constantly faced with these situations that are eliciting this stress response. You're using up soldiers fighting this battle. If you don't reinforce your army, you'll lose the war. Find positive ways to reinforce your army and build your resistance up to handle the stress.

If we don't deal with the different pressures of life, ultimately stress takes it toll--either psychologically or physically. All of life needs to be done in moderation. Vital, healthy, coping people don't try to avoid or run from the stresses of life. Rather they endure stress under control, respond to it with productive means, and allow their experiences to help them grow and heal.

Your response is your responsibility. Choose wisely. Your life is at stake.