Women in Leadership-Why Not?

by Barbara Cornell, M.S., R.N., C.N.A., as told to Valerie Nanninga Engeltjes, M.A.

One summer when I was in grade school, my sister and I went to summer camp. When my mother filled out a camp form, she put my sister down as a "follower" and me as a "leader." That's the first time I'd ever heard about someone being a leader and someone being a follower. I remember my mother saying she saw me as a natural leader.

Barb Cornell is Pine Rest's Nurse Executive. A leader at Pine Rest, Cornell also has held positions of leadership in her church (as elder and committee chairs), in professional organizations, and community organizations. These varied experiences give her a perspective on what it's like for a woman in a leadership position.

Today: Was your mother right? Are you a natural leader?

I didn't plan to be a leader. I went into nursing because I loved nursing, but I was at the right place at the right time and became a supervisor. I really didn't know what I was doing as a manager not having had any management training. In all my educational classes until then, people didn't talk about women in leadership, so I was very unprepared.

As I went on to earn my master's in management, I learned a lot of theory and was able to apply it to the practical experiences I had. I had some mentors, people who coached me on how to be a leader. Some were male and some were female. It was a good experience to have both.

What did these coaches tell you?

One woman told me if I were in a meeting with all men-and that's the kind of meetings I routinely attend-that I shouldn't speak first but to always let a man talk first.

At first, that's what I did. I'd always let three or four men talk before I'd add a little something. Even some of the books I read for classes at the time said women had to learn how to enter the man's world in business to be like them in order to compete.

Today, we're seeing more literature that affirms the woman's contribution to the workforce. Women and men complement what each offers in leadership role. Today's theme is: "Here's the world. We all live in it, and we each have something we can offer." That's a big change.

I see that translating into better mental health for everyone-which is why we're addressing this topic in a Pine Rest publication. Pine Rest has Todays on depression, anxiety, stress, and anger, which can be the negative effects of handling new and challenging roles. We positively affect how we fill those roles by acquiring self-esteem, learning to be assertive, or improving our communication skills.

What are some of the differences you see in men and women in leadership?

I preface everything by saying that I'm generalizing. There are always exceptions. Given that, here are some observations.

Men are more competitive. They're always trying to figure out what the "pecking order" is. They compete and joke by putting each other down-trying to find out the hierarchy.

Women usually aren't as hierarchical and aren't as worried about where they are on the corporate ladder. Their structure is circular with a center and concentric rings. Everything radiates from the center. They're naturally more collaborative and into equality. Women negotiate more than men and work with each other as a group to bring out the best of each member.

I also see women-and we've gotten a bad name for it-as more tuned in to our emotions. This isn't "being more emotional." We tend to think of feelings more and go with our gut feelings. Men are often very technical, data-driven, and analytical. Women are usually sensitive in their interpersonal relationships with others. This tends to make their leadership a "softer" type.

Some of these traits for both men and women are the result of our upbringing, how our society and culture teaches us to interact.

I talked to some other women about how they viewed the gender differences. They said women generally show caring for their employees a little easier. Because of the lesser emphasis on competitiveness, women tend to share information faster and include others in decisions.

What's happening in America is a change that recognizes both contributions. Organizations are flattening their hierarchies and using collaboration to make data-driven decisions.

We hear a lot about a "Glass Ceiling." What has your experience been with the Glass Ceiling?

I hear other women speak about this. If people don't see it, it can be that they get so used to the world being the way it is, it's hard to see what's actually there. For example, it can be hard to separate whether a woman can't break the glass ceiling because she's female or because she doesn't go golfing with "the guys."

Suppose you're the male CEO of a company. You have a lot of customers, and your management staff routinely takes these customers golfing. If some of the customers don't want to golf with a woman because it doesn't fit with their kind of golf or jokes, what happens to your organization? Might you lose business? So, you don't take women golfing, they can't conduct the same level of business because they don't have the contacts, they don't get promotions....See the cycle?

What have been some of your experiences working with men in leadership?

Sometimes in meetings when I talk, the men don't hear me. It's as if I speak a different language at times-they don't get it. And we don't get what they're saying, either. They can say something and underneath it are factors that I don't understand because I'm not male. At times, we do have trouble communicating. We can just miss each other.

As we keep working together more and more, we eventually start hearing what the other is saying. There can still be a gap, and it takes work on both sides to communicate over that gap.

This communication gap isn't reserved for organizational meetings. Marriages and male/female friendships all have times when the two people don't understand each other because each has a different perception. Part of the reason is gender, part is background.

Can women be as successful as men in leadership roles?

Men and women often measure success differently.

Generally, men are more into power and prestige. In business-and this is changing-it used to be you had to give up your personal life to succeed. Work was your everything. You had to "sell your soul to the company store." Women are bringing a sense of balance to the workplace. Yet the policies in place in most organizations were set up on the "sell your soul" philosophy. You're penalized (or at least, not rewarded) if you don't.

We're sending two messages to women. We expect them to be "good mothers" and spend some time with their children, but then penalize them because they aren't working full-time. The double messages often produce anxiety in people because they don't know how to react. The Mommy Track is a reality, but it doesn't have to stay this way. As more women gain positions of leadership and affect policies, that will change. Women generally see work as a part of their life, not the focus. We learn how to balance everything because we have to--people are pulling us every which way. Most men don't juggle as many roles and tasks as women do. For women, success is balancing all the aspects of their lives. Sometimes that's more rewarding than a big raise.

As I said, policies and procedures were put into place when men worked and women stayed home. Slowly, the policies are changing. Some changes come from the national government, such as parental leave. Often the changes help both sexes.

The policies affect aspects other than just the workplace. Some are so entrenched, people don't even realize the discrimination they promote.

How will businesses and organizations change?

While some change is inevitable given the workforce demographics, we shouldn't just wait for it to happen. Male mentors can help women break the glass ceiling. They can affirm our complementary talents. There are many male mentors who firmly believe that women deserve and can succeed at high levels in organizations.

One hindering factor is the "Old Boy's Network." It's there and it's insidious. Many men don't even realize it's there because the network is just their friends and acquaintances. They went to school with someone, so when a position opens, they think of that person. The problem is they all tend to be males. The first thought that pops into their minds isn't: "I should hire a woman I could mentor and bring up in the organization." It's not a conscious effort to keep women out, it just doesn't come to their mind to bring women in.

That's where a Human Resource Department and the women in the organization need to say, "What about this woman," or "How about helping us set up the organization so I could get a male mentor and learn from him?" Women already in leadership positions can work to hire more women and can take the responsibility for mentoring them.

What kind of advice would you give a woman you were mentoring?

I'd encourage her to be herself, be innovative, and creative. She doesn't have to be a clone of the males in the organization. She should keep pushing to find how her talents complement theirs.

I would tell the person I was mentoring to network well and get a support system in place because she'll need it. Often women in leadership feel isolated and uncertain about "how they should act." This can hurt their self-esteem and lead to depression. When women feel one way, but are told to act another (for example, "like a man"), they may experience increased stress and anxiety.

Women can help each other. It's important that women leaders share their knowledge and experience to coach other women and men. This helps get more women in leadership and increases male appreciation for what women bring to leadership.

While the Mommy Track is a reality, I tell people to have a full life. Realize that if you have a family and you want to work full-time and you want to rise in your career, it takes a lot of energy. If you want children and don't want to work full-time at that point, that's OK.

Women also need to learn how to deal with their emotional side. Do you show emotions? Hide them? In the mental health field, we all know what happens if you keep those feelings inside. They eat away at you. Women need to learn appropriate ways to handle the emotions-ways that can be accepted and perceived by others.

I'd continually say, "Be true to yourself." If you're in a room with men who are in power positions, be yourself. You don't have to play those games. Playing the games causes stress. I've heard other women in business who say you must play those games. I don't feel I'd be true to myself if I did.

You have to feel good about being true to yourself. Feel self-assured. Your head and your heart have to go together. Once they do, you'll feel better about your accomplishments, be able to communicate more effectively, and experience less depression, stress, and anxiety. You'll be a mentally healthier, more well-rounded person. If necessary, take classes in assertive communication or stress management.

Polish your style. Learn about facts because you'll need to know those, but remember you have a softer side. You can have business savvy and be a good leader without being just like a man.

What about being leaders in areas other than business?

Many of the same principles apply. Some organizations, however, can be harder to change. When people comment negatively on my leadership roles in my church, I always go back to biblical times and look at where our traditions started. We have to put those traditions in the context of the culture. We all know how women were not valued in biblical times. On the positive side, there are some wonderful biblical examples that defy the culture. They affirm how God-if not the culture-values women.

Today, women are taking on more leadership roles in churches, politics, and the community. This is a big change from years past. Yet, our policies need to change. If we don't change the policies, it's easy to continue with blinders on, doing everything the way we've always done it.

How we change is to have an experience where a lightning bolt comes down and we're challenged to look at an issue or situation another way. The thunderbolt sometimes is just asking, "Why not?" We need to start asking that question for everything from female priests to women CEOs.